itinagong Ligaya

Currently rereading.

2011-12-31T16:59:00.000+08:00

Friends marathon.

2011-12-30T03:07:00.002+08:00

Again.

Just about the same time of the year every year.

December is always a lonely month (why is that, really?). I don't know, but this always helps.

Post-Christmas chuchu

2011-12-28T19:26:00.000+08:00

When Christmas is over, expect a state of rock-bottom-brokeness. Seriously. But in a good way, I guess? I can't believe it's still almost a month till the next pay day.

Anyway, Christmas has been great! Spent it with the family in my parent's new, not-quite-finished house.

A lot of things waiting to happen, really. Better get things started.

So near!

2011-12-23T05:21:00.000+08:00

It's December 23! What the hell.

I don't really receive a lot of gifts during Christmas, but I must say I'm loving the gifts people have been giving me!

I just hope people like the gifts I've given them.

Are you panicking yet?

2011-12-18T19:12:00.002+08:00

It's Monday again tomorrow and as always, I'm not prepared for it. I've got a story to write, an apartment to clean, some gifts to wrap, emails to send, clothes to launder, and it goes on. I'm just writing to kind of get the ball rolling. It has been vacant and lazy and dusty and rusting for so long.

A week to Christmas, kids. What have you been up to?

Sleep light, stranger.

2011-11-22T02:06:00.000+08:00

Death, or any semblance of it, makes everything poignant, pleasing, glamorous even. And it is unfortunate that I didn't realize this in a different circumstance.

I knew you, but I don't know you.

Mr. November

2011-11-06T06:14:00.004+08:00

I had a weird day/night/day again.

I've learned that I don't need sleep. Not that much at least. So far, I've been sleeping every other night. Can't complain, really.

Time is like a restless sea, tossing, turning, indefinite, infinite. And I am trying to contain it in a little flask to put in my pocket.

Needless to say, my sense of time/day is off more than usual. My body clock is beyond repair. And I hear bells when I'm not supposed to.

Maybe it's the lack of sleep, all the coffee, all the food I've recently been stuffing myself with that's pushing me off the edge bit by bit.

I'm missing people, I'm missing events, I'm missing places.

Oh, and I'm missing The National.

I am trying to move forward.

2011-10-25T23:45:00.001+08:00

You are asleep now, and I didn't get the chance to show you all the little pebbles I've collected throughout the day. I was hoping you would help me sort them out, you know. I was hoping we could skip them across the surface of some imaginary pool of water, make me feel better, lighter, somehow.

I don't know.

(I am nothing but) Flakes.

2011-10-20T02:17:00.001+08:00

I had made so much plans but I don't know now where they've gone. As always, I have chickened out. There's always tomorrow, there's always next week, next month, next year, I always say. I need to grow me some balls.

Anyway, had two lunches and two dinners yesterday. My stomach is at capacity. Too much ~~love~~ will kill you, kids. And I love so many things.

This is to looking forward.

2011-10-17T01:30:00.002+08:00

I made some milk tea. It has, so far, been the highlight of my day. I'm tired, I'm hungry and I really need to sleep. Oh, and I found out just a few minutes ago that we now have cockroaches. Ugh, shivers.

I've been domestically productive today. I did laundry and cleaned. A lot. My hands still smell of bleach and soap.

By the way, I just killed the damn roach. Another highlight! This day is finally looking up.

Or not. Work again in a few, ugh, shivers.

What the hell, I'm going to sleep. And I'm not setting the alarm.

P.S. I miss blogging.

Low-res.

2011-09-07T21:47:00.000+08:00

The story of my life lately.

...It's part of me, apart from me.

2011-07-25T18:21:00.008+08:00

Hello. It's been eight months. And yes, I look stupid. I feel stupid. And so many other things. I'm back because I've got nowhere else to go. And no, this is not some emo crap.

I've planned to start fresh and all. But I've got no more words left.

I'm stuck is all.

Chuck me.

2010-11-08T12:58:00.001+08:00

My pink running shoes

2010-11-03T16:35:00.001+08:00

Because there's a girly girl deep, deep, deep inside me.

Last night

2010-11-02T12:37:00.004+08:00

We were at school, my boss and I. There was supposed to be a mass. She assigned me to do the first reading. I started getting ready. For some reason, I couldn't find shoes that would fit me. The mass has started in the field but I was still inside the bathroom doing something I can't quite remember. My turn was up but I was still hiding. Nobody could find me and the priest ended up having to do the friggin first reading. The mass ended but I couldn't get out of that bathroom stall. I was terrified of having to face my boss and explain why I wasn't able to do it. My mind was racing with possible excuses. Then I find the best one: I realized it was only a dream.

I know, it's brimming with interpretations about religion, work, my life in general, blah blah blah.

That may have only been a dream, but I am now at work. Feels like a nightmare.

Peryodista

2010-10-30T07:46:00.007+08:00

Or Peryodista shirt, rather. My morning has just become a little weird because of my Peryodista shirt.

See, I've been running regularly (meaning almost everyday) just recently, but I've been running semi-regularly (meaning it's almost almost everyday but I tend to have breaks in between that sometimes stretch to weeks) for months now. I used to do it in the evenings because I get off early at my previous job, but recently I've been running in the mornings, which, I've discovered, is more my thing.

Anyway, just a while ago, I was in mid-run when an elderly man standing in the corner I'm about to turn to gestured to my shirt. I must have "Huh?" plastered all over my face because he smiled and told me, "Peryodista." I was still confused, being in a light-headed state and all (I had to stop suddenly because, well, I'm really a polite little girl and I don't have the heart to just ignore him). So, yeah, I can feel my blood rushing to my head as I listened to him describe the said Peryodista shirt. Which I very well know because, um, it's mine, really.

"Saan mo nabili 'yon? Gusto ko rin e. Ang tagal ko nang hinahanap, wala akong makita talaga. Ang lakas kasi ng dating sa akin e. Peryodista." I was in awe, of course. Who would've thought a stranger would take to that shirt so much as to approach another complete stranger. I was welling up with PJ pride. Or maybe it was really all the blood rushing to my head.

He kept talking about what kind of shirt he wanted. He said he wanted a blue shirt, not the black one I had, with white print. He said, "How much for it?" I had to explain to him that it was really for a class project, not a commercial thing. He said he really liked it. "Newspaper man," he emphasized. We shook hands after, he told me it was nice meeting me.

The weird thing was that I wasn't even wearing that Peryodista shirt. I meant to, though. I just couldn't find it. I know Abigail willl be all I-told-you-so. She always tells me to stop wearing that shirt every time I run. Sasabihin ng mga tao, o, ayan na si Peryodista. Hahahaha. I know, okay. You told me so.
But I really love that shirt. It's already starting to wear out, but what the hell. I love that shirt. Have I told you how I love that shirt? I love that shirt.
So, I'm outta here. I actually just got in from running. Breakfast next. Awesome.

The Talk (and why my keyboard literally took a beating while I'm typing this)

2010-10-29T15:42:00.005+08:00

Most days actually start out good enough. Morning run, breakfast, good vibes, the works. The problem is after those. Because it's all downhill from there. Seriously. Just like today.

It's past five in the morning, I wake up and drag my ass out of bed and into my running shoes. I head out, come back, "cook" something for breakfast, eat--all of these leisurely, of course. After that, I hold my breath. Work next.

Work is... well, awful. The actual work is not that bad, you know. But I so suck at it, it makes it that much stressful. Plus the people around me are not all the time pleasant, to put it mildly. Well, more of my pathetic work stories on another post. Maybe.

So what I'm really driving at right now is how work consistently gets worse as the day wears on. Like now. After two bloody meetings, my boss tells me she needs to talk to me, one on one, next week. Nothing major, she says, she just wants to know if I'm fucking enjoying my work still. Fuck. If that's not major, I don't know what is. Because as you all now, work is currently the source of my life's misery.

Do I need to start practicing some bullshit story about how I'm still trying to adjust and all that blah? Seriously. I don't know how to respond to that fucking question. Am I still enjoying my fucking work?

Dammit.

Work sucks.

2010-10-28T13:58:00.002+08:00

I can't be any more explicit. Or concise, for that matter. It's so hard just to be in here.

Okay, these few words deserve an entire entry all on their own. Bow.

I've had too many bathroom trips already.

2010-10-22T14:37:00.002+08:00

I never thought I'd find myself in a bathroom stall crying. So this is how it feels, not being able to get away but feeling so bad you can't hold back the tears anymore.

I need five minutes. To gather my shit in.

I tried. I really did.

2010-10-20T10:43:00.005+08:00

I am lessening (though some may disagree) my coffee intake, believe it or not, so I am less perky that my already unperky self.

This is what's been running through my head since last night. I hate dealing with clients. I hate having to exchange niceties, or be all smiley and cheerful and pleasant and patient with them. Especially when they're not all those themselves. I hate that there are some sort of guidelines or parameters you have to follow when you interact with them. There are things you should do, things you shouldn't and whatnot. I just hate it.

See, I am not at all a people-person. I never know what to do with myself in social situations. I really should live under a rock or something.

I'm writing about why I don't write

2010-10-09T18:34:00.003+08:00

Hello, remember me? I used to be the one who wrote on this thing almost everyday. Granted, what I wrote about were mostly useless things, but it's still writing, you know. More or less.

It's a cycle, I guess. This is my lazy, in-a-rut phase.

I am writing now mainly for you, dude. Because you said you were waiting for it. Hahaha. Your words, not mine. I was pressured and as a result, you get this post-slash-nonsense. But on second thought, you're last post was about Avril freakin Lavigne. And it was five months ago! So this entry may not be so bad after all.

So. I'm out.

I'm not dead, just lazy. So here's a link.

2010-09-29T16:47:00.000+08:00

I haven't been writing in a while and I think that's a terrible thing (on so many levels). I am cross-posting this because I'm a lazy little piece of shiz. This is from my other blog where I post all my other shiz.

I need to watch some Friends.

2010-09-16T14:19:00.003+08:00

Is there an official medical term for 'fear of boss'? Because 'fear of boss' sounds so, well, juvenile and unprofessional. And I think I have it.

It's not so much her as her presence that gives me this feeling, you know. Her mere freaking presence. Seriously. My shoulders tense which makes my neck and back stiff which in all give me a headache. And I can't stand headaches. If I were to be tortured for information, the best way is to give me a headache. And I have it now. Because of my boss. Oh discomfort.

So I hope the weekend comes really quick.

Go Places

2010-09-05T10:55:00.003+08:00

It's Sunday morning today and I'm aching with this feeling from the feeling of a memory. I don't mean to sound dramatic or melancholic or anything but as I sit here, on my old laptop on this old table outside my old room, I can't help it. So let me.

This is how I used I used to feel. Or rather, this is how everything used to feel. Back when I was, um, hopeful and idealistic and more or less content (which is not the right word but it's the first thing that comes to mind).

I used to know just what I want. That is what I miss the most.

The story so far

2010-08-25T15:34:00.003+08:00

My life has been rather uneventful. Aside from a few perks and distractions, there's, well, nothing. I've flatlined.

I am boredom personified. And I feel this something weird I can't really explain (but sure as hell now is work-related).

I don't know. I think I'm losing it again. Again.

On a much lighter note, I am now the proud owner of Vevi, my new iPod. R.I.P. Kukay, the old iPod. You have served me well in our three years of inseparability. This is to hoping Vevi can do the same.

Worried

2010-08-23T15:46:00.000+08:00

You know that nagging feeling when you feel like something's wrong but you're not really sure if it's instinctual or just paranoia? And there's really no way to tell unless it's right there blowing in your face?

Well, I don't want to feel it anymore.

Waking up early always gets me in a good mood.

2010-08-17T10:59:00.001+08:00

The important thing in long term goals is to keep the rhythm, Haruki Murakami says (What I Talk About When I Talk About Running). I haven't finished reading the book yet but it's been good so far.

I haven't been running in weeks and I'm missing it a lot. This morning I dragged myself out of bed to get back into the rhythm. It has turned out to be well worth it.

Today I got to eat breakfast and take the jeep to work. Always good news.

When it's all over, we still have to clear up

2010-08-16T14:17:00.004+08:00

Just recently turned 22.

This is the best way to spend your birthday.

(on a hammock along a white-sand-almost-deserted beach with your best friends)

Stupid sale

2010-08-06T11:01:00.000+08:00

Powerbooks had this huge sale (or is it still on?), and I have to resist the urge to buy more books. Four B words: bordering on broke and backlog of books.

I'm currently reading Love Remains, which I bought on a whim and which is turning out to be, well, not good. I just finished rereading Wind in the Willows. And there are actually a lot of books lying around the room, waiting to be read.

But I still want to buy new ones. I'm hopeless.

Not Clarisse

2010-08-05T15:14:00.003+08:00

Last night, I created a blog for my sister. She is not happy about it, though.

I'm saying it again, little sister. If you want to use it, go. If not, it's cool. It's just so you have an option. I know how much you like writing.

It's there if you need it. Okay?

I write about mundane things

2010-08-02T17:46:00.002+08:00

Last night I tried writing down goals I should accomplish for today. Now I'm not really sure if I was able to do everything there (I don't really remember what I wrote) but here's today's list for tomorrow.

1. go running :)
2. have breakfast :D
3. client preview :|
4. follow up stuff :|

Um. I hope this works.

After today

2010-07-28T10:59:00.004+08:00

This will be the last day of all the "T" craziness. After this day, I will be truly, utterly, happy. Aside from the fact that I no longer have to deal with "T" people (no offense to them--most of them are nice, they're just kind of, well, high maintenance), I will be able to do the things I've been meaning to for the longest time:

1. sleep early
2. clean the room and fix my stuff
3. go running in the mornings again
4. have a decent breakfast
5. not take cabs to work in the mornings
6. boil those damn baby potatoes
7. go to the grocery and buy healthy stuff
8. reply to emails
9. do nothing, in peace

So, yeah, let's get to that.

This wasn't supposed to be a work-related entry.

2010-07-24T18:26:00.001+08:00

I am currently in Kristia's deserted office, on a Saturday afternoon, eating breakfast food (this time, the usual coffee and a multigrain croissant with jam and butter). I wish everyday could be like this. Everything reminds me painfully of something I can't quite put my finger on. But let me try.

I miss being, um, creative, for lack of a better word. Don't get me wrong, I like my new job. It's challenging and I am really learning a lot. But you know, I miss my mellow writer life. I'm not saying that it was an easy life, but it was more quiet, more personal, something I can run away from and then come running back to. You know.

My work now is, well, action-packed. I am not really the social kind of person, and I know that at one point or another we all have to come out of our shell and do the things we didn't usually do. Now I have to be all those things I tried to avoid if I could, because of my job. I know I can do those things, but I used to hope I wouldn't come to the point where I have to. It's not that I don't like it. In those rare moments of realization, I actually appreciate it. It does really help me--personally, emotionally and career-wise too.

For the record, I don't mean anything by all of these. I'm just saying.

On a more non-work related things, I've been feeling sick this past week. Um. Well, I better go. Before I say more work-related stuff when I already said I wouldn't.

P.S. I will write more often. Promise.

Know what

2010-07-08T13:22:00.001+08:00

I can't wait for the weekend!

(that's basically all I want to blog about)

P.S. Oh, Cinemalaya opening tomorrow!

Caveat lector: Blabbering ahead

2010-07-05T10:06:00.003+08:00

It doesn't feel much like Monday today. Waking up this morning did not feel like I was about to get into the crazy, stressful and weirdly exhilarating world of, uh, work.

We did not run this morning, so I'm feeling a lot lazy. It's weird (in a good, fascinating kind) how it actually starts my day now, when I've only started doing it (regularly, of course) recently.

Kristia and I were actually planning to jog this morning but decided against it, so we had breakfast instead. Speaking of breakfast, I've also started having breakfast regularly and it is heaven. Downright my favorite part of the day. We were never really morning people but we are now converted. Yes, believe it or not.

Anyway, back to my story. I decided to watch Magnifico while eating breakfast this morning and I guess it made my Monday more surreal. I cry buckets every time I watch this film. That Jiro Manio is one adorable kid. Dammit.

But wait, back to reality. I will get back to this later.

P.S. Cinemalaya is near! Yahoo!

Yesterday was for bumming.

2010-07-02T10:39:00.004+08:00

I skipped work yesterday because:

1. I was lazy

2. My stomach was acting up a little

3. I was really lazy

I actually planned to have some writing done but all I ever did was play Plock and Sims 3.

Don't judge me. It was worth it.

Short-lived fun

2010-06-29T11:18:00.002+08:00

Kristia and I went to Laguna over the weekend and it was like being in a different world. She was actually there on a semi-business trip and I just tagged along. Anyway, we met up with Pam and it all turned out to be an interesting albeit a little weird excursion.

We hit a pretty cool thrift shop, I did my business in a cute but overpriced coffee shop, and drove up to Makiling to visit Kristia's high school. Later that day, we drank and smoked like college kids on a night out. Good times.

Going back was a little, well, sad. Back to work and all that shiz. But it's Tuesday today, no work tomorrow so I'm looking forward to that.

If I could, I would.

2010-06-10T09:57:00.001+08:00

Drop everything and leave. No reasons, no excuses, no complications. In a snap. Just like that.

But I guess nothing works that way.

A matter of life and death

2010-06-02T13:13:00.001+08:00

Remember when our lives revolved around this and this?

Sana birthday ko na.

2010-05-31T16:45:00.004+08:00

This is amusing.

2010-04-26T13:25:00.002+08:00

Which presidentiable's partner would make the best First Spouse?

	Shalani Soledad: Because we want to see a wedding in Malacañang and how she’ll fare as sis-in-law to Kris Aquino.
	Kate Gordon: Because she will cast not her pearls before swine.
	Nikki Prieto-Teodoro: So she’ll keep surprising us with her offbeat fashion picks.
	Dunia de los Reyes: This charming half-Brazilian yogini could turn yoga into a national pastime.
	Eric Valade (Husband of Jamby Madrigal): He'll be a welcome break from Mike Arroyo and, yes, he could teach us French.
	Cynthia Villar: So she can clean us up after we bathe in a sea of garbage.
	Loi Ejercito: Because the higher the hair, the closer to God.
	Dory Villanueva: Because she’s a reverend who’ll lead us not into temptation.

via spot.ph

Cynthia Villar for the win!

pedi

2010-04-26T13:10:00.005+08:00

I was never a fan of manicure/pedicure. I do paint my nails sometimes but that's just when I feel like it. Paying someone to nip, push, or scrape your nails away does not appeal to me very much.

Last night, out of curiosity and peer pressure (read: Kristia), we had ourselves pedicured. I can't say I was thrilled about the result. Yeah sure, it wasn't the fancy kind but it's the worst way to spend your 60 bucks.

I chose black nail polish out of lack of decent colors to choose from. It came out messy and full of little bubbles. And it friggin hurt.

No more pedicures for me. I guess.

-2 stick a day

2010-04-21T14:34:00.004+08:00

No, not my hopes up

2010-04-13T13:55:00.001+08:00

I woke up today and it was raining! Halleluia! (no blasphemy intended)

But unfortunately, according to PAGASA (irony: hope), it does not mean that El Nino is ending. Apparently, it just rained. Period.

Online precinct finder did not find me.

2010-04-12T12:07:00.000+08:00

Apparently, records of late registrants (those who registered in December last year) are "not yet included there."

Is there any way I can know where I'm supposed to go on May 10? And will Comelec ever upload my record? (Hello, 28 days left till elections!) Wait, don't tell me, I know. I'm stupid about these things.

You can check your info out here.

Again, Monday mornings should be banned

2010-04-12T11:24:00.003+08:00

Oh noes.

I hate Mondays, I hate Mondays, I hate Mondays!

Monday should be changed to Spareday. It is the day that only becomes a day when you need it to be. In other words, if you don't want it, it won't be there. There would only be 6 days and an optional Spareday a week. Does it make sense? Well, whatevs.

I know it's shallow

2010-04-08T16:38:00.002+08:00

but I can't help but get irritated by how those lower-year Mass Comm students copied my batch's Obra Kulasa. You know, the black cloth and lighting.

Come on kids. Have some creativity.

P.S.

I know it seems out of the blue but it's just today that I saw pictures. Grr.

About you-know-what

2010-04-08T13:39:00.005+08:00

First of all, I would like to give myself a thump on the back (as congratulations of course) for how my life has turned out this past few weeks.

My life no longer revolves around Pet Society, Typing Maniac and the like, anymore. Whew. I thought there would be severe withdrawal symptoms but surprisingly, I've been fine. Hehehehehehe, evil laugh.

Oh oh oh! And I went back to my first love. No yihees or uuuuys, I went back to reading. And I mean on a regular basis. I even bought a new book (Wuthering Heights). I haven't bought a book since college (though I received new books courtesy of Kristia). I've also finished and, well, trying to finish, some books I started but forgot about from way back (Blind Willow, Sleeping Woman by Haruki Murakami; Through a Glass Darkly by Jostein Gaarder; American Gods by Neil Gaiman; The Island of Dr. Moreau by H.G. Wells and some others). I don't know why, but I read several books at one time.

Anyways, this is turning out to be one long entry so I think I'm going to cut it here and make kwento next time.

Yihee!

I better start on my (outsourced) articles.

2010-04-05T16:01:00.000+08:00

I haven't been updating my blog in days and I don't want to disappoint my five or so readers, so here I am.

Hello world, I'm alive.

I'm writing because I miss writing. The job that is. And I don't mean anything by that. Just saying.

Lazy

2010-03-29T10:46:00.000+08:00

Nothing like Makati-traffic-on-a-Monday-morning to start your day lazy day/week. Ha.

To Abigs

2010-03-17T09:09:00.001+08:00

Dear Kristia,

Thank you for treating me to Army Navy last night. The burger and vegetarian burrito were awesome-o! Let us eat there again (when we have money, that is)!

Thank you for not scolding me for skipping work to come to your office and eat Mang Inasal. Oh and thank you for letting me play Facebook games on your awesome office computer. I will always be disappointed whenever I play on my own crappy office computer from now on. P.S. Your office is cool. I'd like to hang out but I'm ulaw.

I had fun, I almost forgot about my gallbladder thing. Thank you for a super nice day, you are the BESTEST!

Come to my office next time (but I don't have super cool stuff).

Sunshine yellow

2010-03-15T10:12:00.002+08:00

I'm surprisingly not grunge-y so early in the morning today, so I'd like to thank the universe.

P.S. Make El Niño end, o Almighty Universe, so we could all get on with our lives.

Magnanakaw!

2010-03-08T10:31:00.002+08:00

So something happened today that turned this otherwise dreadful, boring, hot Monday morning into a stressful one.

The dorm was robbed! Surprise.

Actually, nothing from the dorm was stolen. It was Ate Emma's stuff that was taken. And though there was a very good chance that people'd get hurt, no one did. Thank goodness. But I still really feel bad for Ate Ems, she lost a lot and she's still pretty shaken up. They called the cops and everything, and the neighbors checked in on us.

Everybody else is still feeling fearful and anxious. And right now, there's really nothing else we could do. I hope the Higher Beings keep us safe.

I have nothing better to do.

2010-03-04T10:56:00.004+08:00

As usual , I am bored again.

I keep singing Ra Ra Riot's Can You Tell in my head because I don't have it in my computer. Stupid stupid girl.

All I really want to do right now is go home and play Sims on Kristia's computer. And I'd like some of Yellow Cab's spaghetti with giant meatballs and that garlic and shrimp pizza! My my.

Anyhow anywho, I'd be getting back to "work" a.k.a. surfing the net.

Hi. I've been sick.

2010-03-02T10:16:00.002+08:00

I had colds which lead to coughing and fever.

I've been coughing my lungs out (literally) for days. I couldn't stop coughing. I couldn't sleep. I coughed my throat raw and I lost my voice. Terrible terrible (terrible, I tell you!) cough.

I was desperate to feel better so for the first time ever in my entire life, I drank tea. TEA. Yes, peppermint tea. I couldn't finish it, though. I think Kristia drank more of it than me.

I never liked tea, and I guess I never will. Peppermint tea wasn't too bad but I didn't really enjoy it. This is one of those rare times I wished I was more of a tea person. What with its supposed health benefits.

I also ate raw ginger. Raw ginger. My mother said it was really effective. I have to say it did make me feel better. But it was disgusting. I ate honey to soften the taste a bit. But ginger and honey together is even more disgusting. Anyway, it was Nibi who said that honey relieves cough. I don't know for sure, though.

After many disastrous home remedies, my cough isn't all that bad anymore. And I'm sorry, I don't think my writing is very orderly. Just thinking out loud.

I need to cheer up.

2010-02-24T11:14:00.003+08:00

some really good coffee
some Friends episodes
some good old "vitamins"
some good company
some good food

and I will feel a little better.

Ang init, bwisit!

2010-02-22T09:34:00.003+08:00

Summer is upon us!

Hello golden orange sunlight and hot, sticky mornings.

2010-02-17T13:29:00.001+08:00

And the words fail me.

Head, heart, help

2010-02-15T09:10:00.004+08:00

It's Monday morning and I have a terrible fucking headache. Why does the universe hate me?!

Anyway, here's an update of my life (if you care hahaha).

My job hunt has gone unsuccessful. Come on universe, help me out a little here. If you haven't noticed, I am in desperate need of it.

Yesterday, while lovers were busy making out and whatnot, Kristia and I were stuffing our faces with bacon. Yes, BACON. We ate enough of it to last us for at least a week! So if you see me sweating like a pig, it's because of, well, the pig. Oh, and I also murdered some pancakes yesterday.

Arg, this headache is killing me! I would go out to buy medicine but I have to go withdraw some money before I could. So, for now, I'd take a little nap. Yes, right here in the office, so sue me.

Subtlety is the best policy.

2010-02-10T12:17:00.002+08:00

Hey! If you guys know anybody who's hiring, pretty please, I need a new job!

And by anybody, I mean companies that publish, produce, basically things I know how to do.

I am desperate! I WANT OUT!

P.S. Thanks.

This is definitely not working out.

2010-02-09T09:59:00.001+08:00

I want to quit my job. Apparently, as everyone has been pointing out to me, I barely survive with what I make out of it. And it's getting harder to prove them wrong. Well, naturally, because they're right.

This is the first time that I felt this intense longing to resign. I've always liked it here, and I've always found a reason to stay. I didn't want to seem like a quitter, a sellout, a flake to the people here because almost everybody who worked here stayed here. And those who didn't, well, they still worked here a reasonable amount of years. But right now, I don't care anymore.

I haven't really been that aggressive in looking for another job. But I guess this time, I'll have to be.

They don't love you like I love you.

2010-02-04T11:28:00.001+08:00

I'm in a Yeah Yeah Yeahs mode.

I loved them from the moment I heard them, many many years ago. And many many years after that, I love them still.

When you come around, I want to explode.

2010-02-01T11:22:00.001+08:00

Today is depressing. Depressing! I want to curl up in bed and cry.

I hate that all incoming work gets dumped on my desk. And that he expects me to get it done right away. When I have other long-standing articles to write. And why does it have to be me? When I know nothing about this, when he didn't even train me or prepare me even just a little bit for this immense responsibility.

I don't mind hard work, but this is just unfair. Give me back my old self.

I'm hating this, I'm really hating this. And right now, I don't care, dammit.

I can't think of a title right now.

2010-01-27T18:56:00.001+08:00

Today was surprisingly not crappy because:

1. I am blogging courtesy of St. Scho's faculty wifi, and it's free may I add
2. I woke up on the right side of the bed
3. It's Paning's birthday
4. I had a tax refund!

So overall rating: not so bad.

Ok, let's rewind this please.

2010-01-26T10:14:00.001+08:00

Was that, that conversation just a few minutes ago, a friggin' promotion?

Strictly speaking, in terms of salary, it's NOT. But in terms of work load, hell yes.

No more petiks for me then. I will surely sorely miss it.

This is the worst day ever.

2010-01-25T14:56:00.002+08:00

And it's not getting better.

And this too.

2010-01-20T16:41:00.002+08:00

This made me laugh today.

2010-01-20T16:21:00.000+08:00

In memory of Planty and Luna

2010-01-18T15:47:00.003+08:00

Planty (from this post) is gone. Dried up. Dead.

Well actually he's been dead for a while. It was just last night that I noticed him again. And then unceremoniously threw out. I should have taken a picture or something but I was caught up with sweeping and scrubbing to make room for Lamingming.

Lamingming is Kristia's new friend and our new roommate. And she's the coolest ever! She is the epitome of coolness! She is, I promise you!

Anyways, the room is much cleaner now. Thank you. Bow.

Stupidity

2010-01-14T15:28:00.002+08:00

Manny Villar's stupid song is getting on my nerves! I hate it, I hate it, I HATE IT! With all my being I hate it. With every fiber in my body I hate it! I have nothing but hatred for it!

It's been stuck in my head and I can't get rid of it. It's a stupid, stupid, stupid song! He glorifies his supposed poverty too much, it's stupid!

I think I need some brainwashing to get that stupid song out of me. And the rest who have been exposed to the abomination that is this song. Stupid!

P.S. I finally did get registered for the elections and I guess it's safe to say that I won't be voting for Manny Villar. Of course that is not merely because of this song. Though it did seal the deal.

Yipee.

2010-01-14T11:13:00.004+08:00

Arg! Frustration overload!

I'm going nuts. Going coconuts.

What the

2010-01-14T10:21:00.001+08:00

My daily struggle with that stupid clock is frustrating. Frustrating, I tell you!

This morning I was so close to getting to the office on time. Was I pissed. I wanted to rip the clock off the wall and smash it to fine dust.

Anyways, I've been listening to the soundtrack of Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist again. I don't even like the movie that much. But the music was awesome awesome. Most of it, anyway. The whole thing is playing on repeat, on my ipod.

So. I'm getting back to work.

Beating the bundy clock.

2010-01-13T10:29:00.004+08:00

I woke up late again, around 730 I think. And after a split second panic attack, and constant urgings from Kristia, I got out of bed and put on jeans and a shirt. Literally. None of the morning rituals whatsoever, if morning rituals consist of bathing, etc. Seriously. I got out of bed then I put on a shirt and a pair of jeans.

Hey, I'm not proud of myself, okay? I did brush my teeth, though. And washed my face a bit.

Besides, I got to work on time. So though I'm disgusting, that's what matters, dammit.

Downloading heaven

2010-01-12T14:34:00.002+08:00

Kristia told me months ago to download my own music. Instead of asking her to. Because apparently, I am annoyingly stupid about things like this.

But today I did it! Yay!

The site has those albums I've been wanting to download since forever (because I don't get the torrent thing either)!

So as of press time, I am downloading Muse, Kapatid, West Indian Girl, Shout Out Louds albums and tracks. Harharharharhar. Who's stupid now?

Well. Probably still me.

Go. Now.

2010-01-11T11:31:00.001+08:00

Every time I see you, I self-loathe.

Just so I could get into writing

2010-01-11T11:05:00.003+08:00

The new year didn't hit me as ground-shaking as I ~~hoped~~ thought it would be.

Until now.

I wouldn't get into what-I-learned-last-year or what-happened-to-me-the-whole-year mode.

I had hoped to be more motivated to get my life in order, or at least get it even a tiny bit organized. But just like Christmas, the new year came to me like a flake--easy come, easy go.

Today, though, the blow came quite surprisingly. As it came from nowhere but hitting me full, in the face. And just like always, I needed the panic attack to get me in gear.

Ayaw ko ng maging miron.

Yes?

2010-01-08T12:51:00.001+08:00

So. New year, new life, right?

Shall I say goodbye to this blog then? I'm not sure.

I miss.

2009-12-22T14:04:00.001+08:00

She's talking about this:

Three years ago.

I'm bored.

2009-12-21T11:58:00.002+08:00

Because there's nothing to do here in the office (at dahil nainggit ako kay Ate Jen, hahaha), here are photos of my pet's home. I'm a bit ashamed to say this but, I am a Pet Society addict. Hahaha.

(this is the receiving room)

(the kitchen and dining area)

(the bathroom)

(the rec room, my favorite room. I think Banans game me the director's chair, thanks :)!)

(the bedroom)

(and the study)

My pet has a sweet life. *envious* Hahaha.

What up.

2009-12-18T08:20:00.003+08:00

Today is the day I make a fool of myself.

Sana sa gitna.

2009-12-15T13:14:00.000+08:00

Asa! Hahaha.

Enough is enough.

2009-12-14T17:31:00.000+08:00

I hate her. And you're just like her.

I crush you too

2009-12-11T16:18:00.000+08:00

big time.

In one night

2009-12-11T13:52:00.002+08:00

I knew there had been a fire, but I never thought it was that serious. Till I saw it myself.

I had more than a little trouble getting home yesterday. I took the bus (because I'm a cheapskate) but we got into terrible traffic along Mendiola. The bus wasn't moving at all anymore and apparently, they closed the road going to Taft, and Quiapo, and Recto (I think). But the point is, we were stranded.

I thought I'd take the train. But, as I'm the luckiest girl ever, it turned out that I forgot to bring my stored value tickets. And since all the people were flocking to the LRT2 (it was the only way left), it would take me forever to buy one. Oh, and the Recto station, which is where I'm headed, was closed too.

So at that point, I was kind of freaking out.
1. Because I don't know my way around Mendiola.
2. There are no ways to get to Taft. Except for the train. Which can't, during that time.
3. I only had a 20 peso bill and some coins.

So, I got into a jeep and headed back to the office (that way isn't blocked). I was hoping to get into a taxi but when I got there, a lot of people were also hailing cabs.

I thought I'd get into the LRT2, head for Cubao which was in the opposite direction, get into the MRT from there, and finally the LRT to Vito Cruz. That's all the three lines in one trip. And that didn't appeal to me at all.

When I got into the LRT2, though, the guards said that train operations were back to normal. I thought, what the fuck did I get myself into all that trouble for? Well, at least I could get home.

When I got to Recto, commotion. Fire hoses were strewn all over the station and there were smoke and water everywhere. The fire news was true, after all. They had closed down the connecting line between LRT and the LRT2 because that was where the fire was. Passengers had to get down to the street.

Again, I was freaking out.
1. It was Recto, at night. With a lot of people panicking and everything.
2. It was kind of a long walk, and my knees were hurting
3. There were a lot of firetrucks, sirens freak me out.

But I got home eventually and I thought that was that.

Just this noon, though, I got to see the aftermath closeup. It was ugly. The whole lot of shanties right next to the LRT2 station burned down. The were a lot of people, probably those who lost their homes, on the streets. And firetrucks were still coming. The place was a lot hazy from the smoke, too.

I feel bad for them who lost their homes. They wouldn't be illegal settlers if they had somewhere else to go, right?

And Christmas is so near. :(

I crush you

2009-12-09T12:02:00.002+08:00

big time.

Good job.

2009-12-08T09:24:00.003+08:00

For being late too many times, I will be suspended for three days starting January 4.

That's just great.

Bummed like never before.

2009-12-03T12:58:00.001+08:00

All of a sudden. For reasons I can't fully explain. For reasons I know but won't admit to myself.

I like to think that I'm not materialistic. But having no money sucks. Especially during this season.

It will be a terribly lean Christmas for me. Ugh.

Hell, no.

2009-12-03T11:49:00.005+08:00

So, I found out yesterday that I'd be fucking hosting the company Christmas party next week.

Everyone I've worked with in productions with could attest that I am not, by any means, the host-y kind. I will organize, produce, direct, but I will definitely not host. And that is not an ego thing and I'm not nag-iinarte. I can't host. I physically, emotionally, mentally cannot. Period.

I tried to politely refuse, explaining that I am the ultra-shy kind of person (which they can't possibly miss, I barely talk here in the office). But they kept saying things like, "Tayo-tayo lang naman." Hey, if I were to host a party of 5, I probably couldn't do that, too.

There was no other choice, so I was forced to agree. But I have to say this: I CAN'T HOST. I can stand there and read lines, BUT I CAN'T HOST.

But, hell, it's their funeral.

Kristia, Kristine, Stefanie

2009-12-02T16:01:00.013+08:00

We went climbing again last weekend.

I was especially excited because Paning was coming too, and I wanted her to feel that rush, that complete satisfaction one gets from it. And it's like no other.

(Kristia and Paning. We're almost at the top and Paning is super tired! Haha)

They said the trek to the top of Mt. Tarak would take about 5-8 hours. But it took more than that. Way more (but yeah, we took breaks every so often, haha!).

And talk about steep! It was, so far, the most physically challenging activity I ever had to do (I think).

But the view and the feeling you get when you reach the top is priceless. Really.

(I should stop, I'm getting sappy. Hahaha.)

Fried Day

2009-11-27T08:53:00.001+08:00

This is shaping up to be a bad day.

This morning I was shouted at ("Hoy miss, baliw ka!" by a stupid driver) and late for work.

It's payday today, too. And again, seeing how much I'm going to get made me sadder.

Oh, and I just remembered that we were supposed to go somewhere today for an interview or something. And I'm wearing slippers, frayed jeans and a beat-up old shirt (it's Friday, what the hell).

So yeah, it's barely 9 in the morning and my day already sucks.

Break.

2009-11-26T14:23:00.001+08:00

We are not free.

2009-11-25T15:41:00.000+08:00

It's all over the news. It's all I've been seeing and hearing and reading.

Cold-blooded massacre
Lives truly are dispensable here in our country. It's a shame.

Freest press? Democracy? What bull.

Toothless

2009-11-23T11:13:00.000+08:00

I've been having recurring dreams about my teeth falling out. A lot of people say that's bad luck so I Googled it.

It supposedly means:

fear of losing your teeth, literally
beginning of a new phase in life
worries about self-image
unexpressed anxiety
dreamer is having a hard time getting his/her voice heard, ideas acknowledged and feelings responded to
fear of sexual impotence
fear of the consequences of getting old
sense of powerlessness
putting faith, trust and belief in what man thinks, rather than in the voice of God
a family member is very sick, near death
money (because of the old story of the tooth fairy)

It wasn't much help, really. But I wish the money part would come true.

Hero

2009-11-23T10:17:00.001+08:00

Efren Peñaflorida is CNN's Hero of the Year

Not too late.

2009-11-20T09:33:00.003+08:00

I don't want this anymore, so I'm taking on a new course.

I hope I get to see this to the end.

7-13

2009-11-19T09:42:00.003+08:00

7. Submit a photocopy of my diploma and NBI clearance to the HRD.
8. Watch David Lynch movies.
9. Throw out junk.
~~10. Make a wishlist.~~
11. Finish articles for MuckRakers.
12. Plan the Christmas party!
~~13. Email soft copy of Quill's logo/press ID to PJ '10~~

Ok, this was distracting.

2009-11-18T10:26:00.001+08:00

CLICK HERE

100

2009-11-17T11:22:00.005+08:00

Since this is my 100th post, here are 100 things I'd like to say. Nah, just kidding. That would take forever and I'm not that patient. I'll probably just list 100 things I should do before the ~~year~~ month ends, but not in one big go, though.

1. Update ipod, make playlists.

~~2. Buy running/hiking shoes.~~

~~3. Make a list of Christmas presents~~

4. Buy presents!

5. FINISH PENDING ARTICLES

6. Finish this list of 100 whatnots

Last night I remembered

2009-11-16T09:56:00.002+08:00

why I hate beer. It's just bitter and weird-tasting and wouldn't even give you tama and just give a full feeling instead. Blech.

Weird things have been happening lately.

2009-11-13T12:06:00.002+08:00

The other night I had this dream that I was electrocuted right in front of my computer at the office. Yesterday, it almost came true! Stupid AVRs and extension cords.